Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Forget IIMs and IITs,let's cheer for IIC

Welcome to IIC (Indian Institute of Corruption), Ranchi! As all of you are aware of our enviable reputation as the pioneer in corruption education, the initial briefing shouldn’t take long. IIC was established in the year 2000 to impart social, political, cultural and moral corruption with an international perspective. The view was to instil the lowest levels of morality and honesty in public life and achieve international fame through administrative failure, political instability, zero industrial investment, record unemployment and to top it all establish Jharkhand as the worst state of India by 2010.
Today, we feel honoured to announce that despite the global recession, our illustrious alumni have achieved the deadlines in 2009. Since the dates of the entrance examination have been declared, it is customary on our part to let you know the expectations that we have from the aspirants vying for these coveted 81 seats.

Our main criterion is your passion for fraudulence; so we have no bar whatsoever with age, education, sex, religion etc. As an institute we follow a policy of equal opportunities to all our students. But like any other academic set up, everything finally boils down to the student’s devotion, sincerity and potential to make the best of his time here and utilise this publicly chosen stint to take Jharkhand back by as many years as possible. So, few don’t excel but these handfuls surely don’t represent our high academic standards and knowledge sharing tools. The competition is particularly tough because we run one session in five years and if a candidate fails the entrance exam, his waiting time can go up to five years. Though we have drop outs and occasional vacancies, but they are rare; so even more difficult.

The list of our bright pedigree is impossibly long but a few names deserve definitive mention and a huge round of applaud for setting new benchmarks of fraud and swindling almost half of the annual budget of the state. The man who pulled of a startling scam of 4000 Crores is our esteemed alumni and Independent MP Madhu Koda- the longest serving independent Chief Minister of the nation. The scam is undoubtedly the biggest in Independent India. And, I must mention that the speed of these earnings can bring a Warren Buffet to shame. Though I am sure not all of you know who Buffet is, don’t worry as this is not a part of the syllabus.

We also have some distant programmes for people who otherwise are equally talented but can’t qualify through the main entrance test. Our super-talented alumni get them on board by relaying their rays of knowledge in all directions. Recently our two distant programme participants Vinod Sinha and Sanjay Chaudhry under the able leadership of Mr. Koda became national headlines by extending their business interests from the backwaters of Chaibasa and Chandil to Glitzy Dubai and Hongkong- all with the exchequer’s money. Their story is copybook rags to regime and it’s a matter of time before a curious soul starts a book on them.

The success saga of IIC doesn’t end here. But, statistics are like miniskirts, what they hide is vital and what they reveal is suggestive. So, like the B school on-campus salaries that never say anything about the in-hand package, this pre-recruitment talk also won’t divulge all details. Once the results are declared on the 23rd December, the chosen ones are more than welcome to access those stashed bits of critical information. We wish you all good luck with your exams and hope to see you soon!

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